Friday it hit me (& of course Facebook reminded me) that it had been a year since I failed my six minute walk test. Which meant I’ve been using oxygen for a year now.
With that realization I had thought about times I had failed in life. How I continue to sometimes fail.
In fact, I am doing Camp NanoWriMo but this time I could only get out 2,000 words & I hit a severe block.
Even after my depression & anxiety lifted, I started playing games & doing other things again. It’s just outside of this blog, my words are not there right now.
So therefore, I am failing to hit my goal of 30,000 words.
Does this make me a failure?
No, it makes me human.
I’ve been on a slow course towards transplant over 12 years because my lungs have been fighting an insidious disease. Now, they are failing. They started failing big time a year ago. In spite of that, they still continue to work for me. I’ve realized this & stop fighting them & blaming them when they can’t keep up.
The treatment I took for six years stopped working effectively a year ago too, did that mean my choice was a failure?
Does it mean the drug is a failure? No.
I would not trade those years of relative calm for anything in the world. When I thought my life was over, it was returned to me. I knew going in to treatment this day could come. But I was going to live until then.
I still live in spite of it.
Because my lungs failed, I had to leave my job.
Does that make me a failure professionally?
It means my body needed a reprieve from my crazy work ethic to focus on the most important battle – the fight for life.
I have incredibly positive vibes & an iron will to live.
Yet, all of this is beyond my control.
If something untoward happens & I lose my life, does that mean I have failed?
No, because I have succeeded in living my life hard, without regret.
I have truly lived more than I have given into fear.
This is because of the company I keep, the family I have, the people I love in life. The experiences I value.
Failure is not the end of the world. It is a learning experience.
Life moves forward whether we succeed or if we fall on our face & get back up & try again.
The only true failure is to never attempt & to be afraid of growth.
There is growth in failure.