I wrote this poem a few months ago. It just came to me in the night during a tough night during the wait. I even think it might have been a few days after my first dry run in July.

In my past posts Goodbye My Lungs…  & When & How Do Recipients Say Goodbye To Their “Original” Organ(s)? Do They?  I pondered about how to let go of my original lungs & say goodbye to them.

I did request pictures of my old lungs be taken for closure, but it didn’t happen. That’s ok.

I felt like now was time to share this poem though.  It just feels right & comfortable.  This is the goodbye to my old lungs which are now in the hands of research & not in a dust bin.  That makes me proud.

The poem doesn’t really have a title yet.

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The pain I feel for you

Cuts as deep as any incision

Burns as sharp as any inflammation

Is as ragged as my breath.

You rage

You war

You fight

Yet you cannot overcome

There is no winning

There is only loss.

First incremental

Then spikes

Then arcs

There is no ability to rebound

No way to bounce back.

After each blow

Kick

Punch

Grapple

You continue to rise

Only to fall again

Dust off

Repeat

12 rounds.

A devastating loss

Victory is not ours

Only certain death

One of us must sacrifice

To survive

Continue the fight

A rematch is certain.

I push you out of the ring

Though it pains me to do so.

Part of me dies

As I watch you make your exit

Yet part of me survives

To try again.

I stand at the door

Curse death

Curse the partner it tag teams with.

Yet I stand

Awaiting the grand entrance

Of a faster, stronger,

whole counterpart

One that can weather the kicks

Survive the punishment

Go the distance

Take them

Down a peg

Snuff them for us both

Avenge us both.

We can’t win together anymore

We stand a chance apart

Individually

Teamed with another

We are both reborn.

Rise now

Rise like the Phoenix you are

Take back what is yours

Throw down that challenge

From another realm.

Vengeance can be yours too.

We may be apart

Yet we will forever be bound together

As we were from the start.

We will never cross paths again

The separation stings

We both bleed

Yet all of this is completely necessary

For our survival.

The separation is torture

It wasn’t supposed to be this way.

However, this is how

Events unfolded.

We both did our best

For as long as we could.

Yet we were no match

For a stacked deck

For cheats

For dirty fighters.

The good

Doesn’t always win.

Don’t let the well meaning fool you

Not everyone who deserves

The rematch receives it.

But we may have a chance to

If we are strong enough

To stand apart.

So we must.

Yet we choose the hour

To let go

When both of us are ready & willing

To face it.

Until then

You remain with me

We bind up each others wounds

Coach each other

Push each other

Pull one another up off the ground.

Right now

I can’t bear to see you suffer

Yet I cannot let you go.

We both take the corner

Wait

No one has come to save us yet.

We are beaten

Bloody

Almost dead.

Yet somehow we still stand

Losing right now

Is not an option

For either one of us.