Waiting

I have no sage words of wisdom today.  No crystal ball to know how things will shake out tomorrow either.

Tomorrow I will find out the results of my lung transplant evaluation in the afternoon.  I really have no clue what will be said.  I trust my team, my friends & family, that in the end however this plays out it will be OK.  But I can only feel better after tomorrow & having some kind of game plan. Instead of noticing things recently & wondering about them. Wondering if they are “normal”, “expected” or just temporary stress reactions.

I have to accept my lungs can only do what they can do. They’ve gotten me by for 38 years & 12 while they’ve been scarred, ravaged, & bruised by an unrelenting disease. They’re still working & I have to respect that it’s harder for them now than what it used to be, as unfair as that is.  Yet, they work without complaint. Still get me where I need to be & upright yet for the most part. Even in spite of wonkiness.

So, if they need to rest days here or there (like today), I need to let them & not make them feel bad about it.  They didn’t ask for this anymore than I did.  I’ll feel better once I get them some support & answers tomorrow too.

I always seem to find the right words to help from Bukowski to try & help me through wonky days when they aren’t coming to my head like they should.

The “Laughing Heart” has always been one of my favorites.

I’ll let him say the profound words, since I appear to be out of them tonight.

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