The wait is over & the results are in. 

Yet, I don’t think anyone is prepared for the words, “we feel you are good candidate” in a doctor’s office.  If only I were running for office, that might be cheerful news. However, it is a relief.

Once the shock wears off a bit more I will post more about what I learned when discussing my transplant evaluation results today.  But to know I was on point with my body, what I had been noticing & changing (distressing as it was) is real & part of this process (& not “in my head”); gives me some sense of comfort.

Though I’m grateful for my wonderful team, (not just my NP & pulmonologist who I’ve known the longest & met with today, but everyone I met with during my evaulation)  I really often wonder how they do this for people day in & day out for years.  Yet manage to be real, personable, & even keep their sense of humor in the weight of such heavy news & decisions.  (Especially for those who are told they are not candidates. I’d imagine that’s worse news to dispense.).

I had to admit to some hard things today as well. Things that don’t make me any less of a person, but at points have made me feel like less of one.

Yet, there were a team of three awesome people (NP, Doc & caregiver) there I couldn’t & didn’t have to sugarcoat about how uphill a climb this is starting to become. People who’ve known me a long time, know I’m stubborn, yet not complaining, but know what I’m capable of.  I also know I can’t & don’t have to put on a brave face for them or minimize.  There’s something freeing in that at a point when you’re feeling extremely vulnerable about everything & not knowing what you’re going to hear yet being able to have a real honest conversation.