Rant: Can We Just Fast Forward Past Next Week?

I won’t discuss politics here because quite honestly I can’t stand the trolling this cycle. I don’t want trolls of any ilk invading my blog.

I thought the last two cycles were bad, but it seemingly gets worse & worse.

I was told I was irrational tonight because I said I was voting my conscience. That was all that I said.  I didn’t mention candidates.

Someone I knew was doing an article & he needed people to reply.  So I did.  My fight wasn’t with him.

He was respectful, even if he didn’t agree, he asked me questions & engaged me as he usually does.

I finally gave up my argument with the person who was trying to pick me apart based on me discussing another point with someone else. That person agreed to disagree with me, but heard me out. They were not condescending or patronizing.

I tried to remain calm because I knew my buttons were being pushed by someone I didn’t even know & not someone who cares to know me or who even gave a damn about me beyond a number in a polling place based on where I live now.

They made that clear with how patronizing they were being.

If I was back in South Dakota, or even New York they wouldn’t even have given me the grief they were giving me. They wouldn’t have bothered at all.

My physical body was important but my voice & perspective sure weren’t.

I finally closed the argument with saying that I was waiting for a lung transplant & needed to get to bed to get to rehab (which is true).

“I hope your health improves” was the reply, along with something else.

To me that smacks of pure condescension & here’s why that IS condescending.

I’ve been chronically ill for 38 years.  I’ve been dealing with two rare & progressive diseases, one of which is often fatal– for almost 14.

The sad reality is transplant will help me.

But I will not be cured.

I will not improve.

My quality of life will improve, but my health won’t recover.

It’s a trade off.

I may even face new problems & more illnesses, especially initially.

I’ve seen the whole spectrum of transplant, the good, the so-so, the downright awful. I am prepared for anything as much as I can be.

But I console myself with the fact that I will at least know what it feels like to breathe normally for a time & to not have to use 6-8 liters of oxygen, 24/7.

It will also beat not having any options at all, which has been the case for some of my friends that I’ve lost.

I still have survivor guilt I’ve been dealing with over that.

Survivor guilt that may never fully go away, even though I should in no way feel it in the first place.

I know I need a thicker skin.

But when people talk about things being life or death, most really don’t stop to think about those who are in that situation every damn day.

They truly know nothing about it or what it’s like to live with.

They may think they do, but they actually don’t.

Rant over.



2 thoughts on “Rant: Can We Just Fast Forward Past Next Week?

  1. Nikki, good rant. I appreciate your perspective and thank you for expanding mine. KW4U!

    Liked by 1 person

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